From explaining the birds and bees to your kids to handling conflicts with an underperforming employee, having difficult conversations is a part of everyday life so why do we put them off so much? Yesterday on ‘Dot Complicated with Randi Zuckerberg’ the topic of difficult conversations was discussed with two seasoned experts: Rebecca Soffer co-founder of Modern Loss and Douglas Stone, author of two New York Times best-selling books: Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback.
“People think it’s a learned skill to be empathic. Technical skills can be learned. Empathy and community building is important to instill early in life.”
“It’s not like I grew up being the poster child for loss and grief.
“When you go through something like sudden profound loss, it’s an isolating experience.”
“Modern Loss came out of my own struggles trying to find people to connect to.”
“Women would rather talk about their weight in public rather than death.”
“When we launched we launched with several essays. Our tone is very funny. Who wants to come to a downer all the time?”
“Life is going to go on and we promise it’s going to be ok. You’re not alone in this.”
“All of these people found out about us and started sending us stories like how husbands were cheating.”
“People don’t need their arms twisted to talk about their story, but they feel more comfortable about discussing their experiences with us than friends and family.”
“The Colbert Report wasn’t the best place for daily grieving. The show must go on.”
“I went back to work after two weeks and realized a month later I wasn’t doing so well. There’s no such thing as bereavement leave.”
“In this country you’re lucky to get two or three days off for a funeral.”
“You’re asking all these people on social media to bear social witness.”
“There’s a way to bereave mindfully.”
“We did an entire Mother’s Day week. We hashtagged it #OccupyMothersDay.”
“Sometimes being off social media for difficult holidays can be a good thing.”
“There are creative ways for dealing with trigger Hallmark holidays.”
“Just NO to taking selfies at a funeral.”
“The internet is like the Wild West where Gmail can keep prompting you to cc your dead mother. Technology throws a wrench into the grieving process.”
“I like the ‘legacy contact option’ Facebook has. Like any other important asset, you can name someone to take over your account after you die.”
“People get so emotional about money but what they really get emotional about is Grandma’s rocking chair.”
“Take a step back, it doesn’t mean you hate the person. It’s for your own mental sanity.”
“Technology gives us so many wonderful tools, but the best tool is to be a trigger for more positive actions.”
“Take the extra 5 minutes to get an email address and send a personal email for someone’s loss.”
Read more at ModernLoss.com
“Anything that improves the way people talk and communicate to each other is always a great thing.”
“The big fear and concern everyone has online is anonymity. The more accountable we are will help that problem.”
“On Amazon, we’ll get ratings from people who give us one star because it was delivered late. That’s the post office’s rating, not mine.”
“I just bought my first Hybrid car where it tells you how many miles to the gallon I’m getting. Now I try to drive it in a way that’s better for the environment.”
“When my father died I was 53 but watching him die my thoughts were ‘How did no one tell me about this?'”
“Different people have different topics they find challenging. There’s always some strong emotion involved.”
“Difficult conversations have the potential for how we see ourselves.”
“If I say something that hurts your feelings, I feel bad about myself.”
“The most important skill is the ability to listen and ask questions.”
“We have a conversation with words then we have a conversation with our minds on the second track. When we feel emotional our internal voice gets too loud to listen.”
“The best time for feedback is the feedback that happens as the thing is happening.”
“There’s 3 different kinds of feedback: Evaluation, appreciation, and coaching.”
“Feedback varies from person to person and in any given moment.”
“What you might need after a rough performance isn’t here’s the 14 things you need to fix, but someone saying you had a rough night but you’ll be better.”
“If you’re having a conflict with somebody, email is rough because either person can find a way to interpret anything you say into something else.”
“If you’re spending hours to craft an email to fix the conflict just do it on the phone or in person.”
“If you’re in the middle of a conversation thinking, ‘I’m too upset to continue.” It’s okay to walk away but be clear you’re not walking away forever.”
“Say, ‘This is a really important conversation and I want to talk about this with you’ before you walk away.”
“If someone is being hostile or difficult it’s okay to withdraw.”
For more, go to triadconsultinggroup.com
Make sure to listen to ‘Dot Complicated with Randi Zuckerberg’ every Wednesday at 9 am PST/12EST on SiriusXM Business 111 for the latest and greatest on tech, lifestyle, work, and balance in this digital age.
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