There comes a point in most romantic relationships when the line between what belongs to whom starts to blur. One of my friends gives her boyfriend money for errands, then other times he’ll pay for their entire vacation and tell her not to worry about it. By the time they were living together, managing finances was left on the table for future discussion. Thankfully, it is possible to mix romance and money without spoiling either one.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing 

Falling in love can make anyone ecstatic enough to consider a mentality of “what’s mine is yours.” However, after taking a deep breath, here are three scenarios that can help you deal with financial sharing:

• Keep everything separate: No matter how deep the love, sometimes it makes sense to keep finances separate, especially if you and your partner have different financial styles. And if your significant other has bad credit, combining assets and debts could put your credit score at major risk.

• Combine only some accounts: Each partner contributes an agreed-upon percent of their income to a joint account for all household bills, then maintains separate accounts for personal expenses. This way, no one can argue against personal purchases like a hot stone massage or the newest smart TV.

• Share everything: Although this is the route most married couples take, don’t be pressured to do it unless you feel ready and know it’s what you want. It can work, but it does take major work. Ideally, if couples combine all finances, they should have similar spending patterns and philosophies. And it also makes sense to set an impulse buying threshold to avoid unpleasant surprises in your joint account.

Establish clear roles and communication

Any level of shared financial responsibility means you’ll have to decide who handles what, especially when it comes to bills, investments and other expenses. When one partner earns significantly more than the other, it may make sense to divide bills accordingly so no one has to struggle to pay their share. If assets are divided, will they be evenly split? Keep in mind, that decisions like whose name goes on loans and credit cards can have an impact on the kind of loans you’ll get. If both of you agree on, and talk about, financial roles and responsibilities up front, you will avoid a lot of problems later.

And then there’s communication. Another friend’s husband maxed out their credit cards, and when my friend found out, it was nearly the end of their relationship. Honestly, I think she felt more betrayed by the fact that this happened behind her back than upset about the actual financial mess. Open communication is essential when romantic partners become financial partners. A weekly or monthly financial dinner date offers a neutral environment to discuss things you want to purchase with joint funds or how you want to handle household debts. The main thing is that there should be no secrets where joint finances are concerned.

 There’s actually an app for that

When it comes to financial transparency, apps are a good option for couples. You and your partner can have individual access to the details, especially for joint bank accounts, which can keep both of you honest and informed. Here are a few of my favorites, which are all available for iOS and Android devices:

• Home Budget with Sync: This app costs up to $5.99, but the cost is worth it for couples looking for a way to sync — in real time — multiple devices. You can also budget, pay bills, scan receipts, track expenses and link to accounts.

• Level Money: Providing easy money management, this app links to your bank and credit card accounts. You can enter your savings goals and it lets you know how much cash you have available for the day, week and month.

• Check: This app is designed to help you keep track of your bills, old bank statements and individual transactions all in one place. You can view snapshots of all your accounts with colorful graphics and pay your bills remotely.

Learning to share finances with a partner is a process, but it’s one that can be rewarding when you both work together.

Posted on 6/18/14

Alexandra Rice is a writer who loves talking about all things education. After living in the Mid-Atlantic, South and Midwest, she has finally settled down out West in San Francisco. When not thinking about education, Alexandra can be found at the beach, playing with one of the many dogs at her office, or searching for the perfect cup of coffee. Catch her on Twitter day or night at @Alexandra_Rice.

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