A major milestone birthday is right around the corner for me. I often hear others ask, “How did I get here?” I know exactly how I got here. I made decisions! Some great (like moving to NYC on a whim); Some downright awful (will protect the innocent and not mention these – it’s a LONG list!). But: the good, bad and ugly were all worth it. They led me to the now that I live in. So, as this birthday looms, I may not be sitting around thinking, “How did I get here,” but instead about what I know now that I didn’t know, or completely understand, in my 20s and 30s. Lessons that, for me at least, it does take turning 40 to learn.

1. I learned to accept and forgive myself for mistakes and misjudgments I made when I was younger, because had I not made them I would never have learned from them and wouldn’t be where I am now.
2. I learned it isn’t about where all the time went in my 20s and 30s; it is where I want to go from here that matters.
3. I learned it isn’t personal. When someone is yelling, being rude, or being mean it isn’t about me as a person, it’s them and to not take it personally.
4. I learned that my time is valuable and I need to protect it.
5. I learned that if I really want a hot fudge sundae then darn it, I am going to have one. Splurging on a dessert here or there isn’t going to ruin me. And let’s be honest– a cup of vanilla and chocolate from 16 Handles with hut fudge, peanut butter sauce and marshmallow topping with sprinkles and Reese’s Pieces is beyond amazing!
6. To that notion I learned that “diet” is a 4-letter curse word and that it isn’t about a quick fix, but an overall lifestyle change. Sadly what my metabolism could handle at 20 just isn’t possible now. And that’s OK!
7. I learned to be smart about money, investing, and retirement and to think long term. (Although the “too quick to pull out the credit card” girl in me still exists, I’ve learned to keep her in check.)
8. I learned to appreciate my family, including ALL their quirks.
9. I learned to not walk on eggshells and that it is OK to speak up and push back.
10. I learned that as friends have kids relationships change and to accept those changes as we all find our own path in life.
11. I learned that it is OK to adjust my life dreams. Something I may have wanted for myself at 20 doesn’t necessarily mean that it is what I want or need for myself as I turn 40. (Like going the Auntie Mame route rather than the Mom one.)
12. I learned to laugh at myself and not take everything so seriously – even when my pants split down the back in the middle of a crowded bar. (That one would have put me in tears not too many years ago.)
13. I learned to trust my decisions and not rely so heavily on the viewpoints and desires of others.
14. I learned to take chances and that failing isn’t failure, it’s an opportunity to get out of one’s comfort zone and learn something new.
15. I learned to listen more and talk less. It’s amazing what you can learn when you truly listen to others and ask them questions!
16. I learned that Oprah was right! Listen to your gut – your instincts matter. That voice in your head is there for a reason. I’ve learned to listen to mine.
17. I learned that having meaningful relationships it a lot like tending orchids. They need to be fed, nurtured, and cared for because they are delicate.
18. I learned to appreciate the little kid in me and to not squash all her fun. Sometimes even a woman on the cusp of turning 40 wants to take a toboggan down a hill!
19. I learned that just because the fashion mags say it is stylish and that it is made in my size doesn’t mean it is meant for me! (So many photos in my 20s will prove that I didn’t know this lesson then!)
20. Above all else I learned that I need to live life and not let life live me because it is true – you only get one shot at this and I intend to make it the best!

Posted on 2/27/2014

Written by Cynthia Irons

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