If you’ve been to a grocery store anytime since Christmas, then you know Valentine’s Day is almost upon us. Whether you’re a cynic who thinks Valentine’s Day is an excuse for corporations to make money, or you’re the kind of person who doesn’t make such a big deal out of things, we can all agree that any opportunity to celebrate love is a good one.
But it’s 2014, and you better believe chocolate, flowers, and jewelry aren’t going to cut it anymore, particularly for the techie folks we love. These days you have to make sure the gifts you give allow your partner to get the most engagement on Facebook and Twitter. Because you haven’t really received a gift unless the world knows about, right?
Here are my suggestions for how to make your special day of love and romance a little more special:
1) Put your phone away for five minutes.
I know this is a lot to ask of anyone these days, but imagine the delight in your lover’s face when you make eye contact for the first time in your relationship. It will almost make spending hundreds of dollars on a fancy Valentine’s Day dinner seem worth it!
2) Create a sex tape using Google Glass apps
If you and your partner connect by feeding each others’ narcissism, the consider making a homemade, all-angles sex tape using just Google Glass and this hot new app. Plus if either of you ever gets famous, you’ll have your first scandal all ready to go.
3) Install “Find My Friends” on your lover’s iPhone
Nothing says “I love you” like secretly tracking your beau’s every move. Use this stalking app to “randomly” run into your s/o, such as during boys or girls night, work events, and therapy sessions.
4) Sign up your single friend for Tinder
The mobile app Tinder is the greatest way to meet potential mates while making the smallest amount of effort, which is one of the top trends of 2014 so far. And don’t forget, single people like nothing more than suggestions and advice from their smug couple friends about how they should really try to get out there more.
5) Propose, film it, share it on YouTube
Demand that the world acknowledge your love is different from everyone else’s! Prove that marriage is about making a spectacle, not a commitment! If you aren’t forcing your special brand of love down everyone’s throats, then it’s not really love, is it? It’s almost as if calling every proposal the “best” makes them lose their value!
6) Create a fantasy wedding Pinterest Board
Ever since that guy made his girlfriend’s wedding dreams come true by looking at her Pinterest account, women everywhere have decided to try out this subtle hinting tactic that men have never understood at any point in history. Start by Pinning all your wedding fantasies on the off chance your boyfriend knows what Pinterest is, then prepare yourself for disappointment when he proposes like a normal person.
7) Buy a PlayStation 4
Dear My Boyfriend,
Since you’re so supportive and read all my articles, then you should know: I would really like a PlayStation 4 for Valentine’s Day. Or for no reason, I’m not picky.
Posted on 2/2/2014
According to her mother, “Silicon” Ali is a modern Renaissance woman, with interests ranging from cartography to terrarium architecture. She works as a Marketing Communications Manager at Autodesk, and in her spare time you can find her traveling the world, giving tours of San Francisco, or cuddling with puppies.