Your browsing through your LinkedIn suggested contacts when *GULP* there she is. Her profile pic is way cuter than yours. It looks like she got it professionally done in a studio and she’s posing for a Cover-Girl ad. She has an MBA. Clearly, she’s way smarter than you are.

No, I’m not talking about your ex-boyfriend’s new flame. I’m talking about the girl who has filled your role with your ex-employer.

I think most of us have felt the pang of jealousy when we see the new significant other on our ex’s arm. Sure, we know we shouldn’t be torturing ourselves stalking their profile. We should have unfriended them as soon as we broke up. But we do it anyway, maybe because we think we are going to be friends with them still, or maybe because we want to prove that we are above it all.

Things can get complicated on Facebook, but at least it’s pretty unanimously agreed that keeping an ex as a Facebook friend is just inviting feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and inappropriate longing for what might have been.

But what do you do when we’re talking about an ex employer? How do you cope with the feelings of inadequacy and jealousy when you want to maintain a professional relationship? And are the rules for professional networking sites, like LinkedIn, really so different from the rules of social sites like Facebook?

Interestingly, it would appear that the rules of engagement are different for LinkedIn and Facebook. Research out of the University of Colorado at Denver shows that the top reason people unfriended someone on Facebook was because of polarizing comments related to politics or religion made on their feed. It is also generally agreed that once you end a personal alliance, whether it be with a significant other or a “real world” friend, ‘unfriending’ is an acceptable course of action.

The general consensus regarding LinkedIn contacts is that you should “unfriend with care”. It is suggested that one should look for alternatives, such as hiding them from your stream, or “muting” first. Some believe you should never unfriend contacts on LinkedIn because it can be a “bridge burning act of rejection”. It is generally agreed that it is ok to remove someone from your contacts list in instances when the contact is “spammy” or is only connecting with you to get access to your network but doesn’t really care about fostering a relationship with you. But previous employers? That can be a very grey area.

It certainly can hurt your self-esteem when LinkedIn suggests your replacement as a contact. I’ve found that when you are on the wrong side of a business transaction, especially something uncomfortable such as being let go, it’s rare to not take it a little personally, at least initially.

So what would you do? Would you ever unfriend an ex co-worker or boss to avoid reminders of what went wrong? Have stories of how you coped with difficult ex employer situations? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Posted On: 6/4/14

Vanessa is an Event Choreographer with a special interest in event marketing and communications. When she isn’t writing or dreaming up event concepts, Vanessa loves training for endurance events, cooking, and traveling.

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