Last night, my boyfriend didn’t get home from work until 8 p.m.

Considering his workload and long-ish commute, 8 p.m. really wasn’t that late. As a former ad gal myself, I try to remember long hours come with the territory. And with long hours come dinners alone, but those hours also give me the chance to catch up on “The Mindy Project” on my DVR without any interruptions or commentary—and admittedly, that’s a perk.

But last night was different. Last night bothered me. Not even 10 minutes after my boyfriend had walked through our door, his phone started buzzing. He hadn’t even had a chance to warm up his dinner. I looked down at his phone to scope out who was texting (we all do it) and saw it was a co-worker of his. She had work questions and, well, he needed to answer.

Nearly 45 minutes later, they were still texting. And I was becoming increasingly irritated. It wasn’t irritation over him talking to another girl—at age 29, I’ve learned that’s rarely worth it—but it was a sheer and determined irritation nonetheless. After a 12-hour day, it still wasn’t enough. His job still demanded answers and, as such, he was still working.

What Would Germany Say?

Last year, in an attempt to ward off burnout, the German Labour ministry enacted a rule I know I could live with. The country banned managers from calling or emailing employees after work hours, unless there was a true emergency. A few months later, The Huffington Post UK reported experts had called on British officials to enact similar rules. And just recently, in France, a law was passed requiring workers to switch off their phones after 6pm.

While European countries are making real efforts to help companies respect employees’ after-
hours boundaries, the United States made the news last week for a related, yet completely opposite, headline. Career website Glassdoor conducted a survey that found only 25 percent of American employees with paid time off took all of their vacation days last year. Beyond that, 15 percent of the surveyed group took no vacation days at all. No vacation days. All year. What?

How We Fix This

While it doesn’t seem realistic many American companies will follow suit any time soon, as wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends, we can all take steps to set comfortable boundaries and ensure our loved ones focus on what really matters within the walls of their home when they’re physically at home. Here are a few ideas to do just that.

1 / Create An Out of Office

One of the best work/life balance strategies I’ve come across on the website I founded, I Want Her Job, is to set an out of office reply for any time you are truly off the clock. Think about it: you’ve received an out of office reply when others are out on vacation or in meetings, so why not rely on the same tool when setting your personal schedule? A note as simple as the following will work. “I’m out of the office for the day and will be responding to emails when I return at 8 a.m. tomorrow. If your request requires immediate response, call me at XYZ.” This way, you’re giving others an option to call you if there really is an emergency, but you’re also setting the expectation up front that you’re not checking emails or responding after hours.

2 / Turn On ‘Do Not Disturb’

A favorite feature of my iPhone 5C is its “Do Not Disturb” feature, which allows you to only let important contacts get through while the rest will ring (or show up in your inbox) on silent. I turn this on the moment I get home and turn it off when I show up to work in the morning. Best of all, it’s easy to set up. Choose the contacts you want to be able to reach you by favoriting them; then, in Settings, toggle the switch to say “only favorites” get ahold of you when you have your “Do Not Disturb” on. It’s a reliable way to make sure your parents or kids can reach you, but that needy clients who really only want to chat about personal issues can’t touch you during your long-overdue date night.

3 / Set ‘No Phone’ Zones

Maybe the ideas above are a little too much. Maybe you don’t mind answering a few work emails here and there, but don’t want it interrupting your child’s goodnight story on the regular. What should you do then? It’s as simple as instituting a “no phone zone” in your house: allow phones in the living room, but outlaw them in the bedroom, at the dinner table and in kids’ rooms. That way your boundaries are clear, but neither you nor your loved ones will feel guilty for responding if they feel the itch.

As for last night, just as our heads were about to hit our pillows, my boyfriend asked what was wrong (I have THE worst poker face). I was honest with him, and he responded by confessing he feels guilty because he’s not working until 11 p.m. like his co-workers do so often.

But I won’t let his guilt become mine. Like it or not, a “no phone zone” will soon be instituted in our home. There may be some immediate growing pains, but I want our dinners, walks with our dog and bedtime viewing of “Shark Tank” to come without that nagging, reoccurring buzz or ring.

Posted on 4/11/2014

Written by Brianne Burrowes

Brianne Burrowes is founder and editor in chief of the award-winning work/life website for women, I Want Her Job. She currently works in sports marketing in Phoenix and prior to that, she served in digital roles at a Los Angeles advertising agency and at her alma mater. She loves trips home to Montana, steaming lattes and spending time with her baby ewok, Zoe the shih tzu. Follow her @brianneburrowes.

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