After twenty years of marriage, Stanford economist Paul Oyer found himself newly single, and waiting at a café for his first “first date” in decades—a match that was made over the Internet. As he went on more dates over time, Oyer found himself drawing comparisons between the online dating market and the business markets he studied every day. Below, he shares with us his insights on modern romance from his book, Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Economics I Learned from Online Dating.
1. How did your knowledge of economics shape your own approach in the online dating scene?
Let me give you a couple of simple examples. First, I looked for “thick” markets by choosing relatively large websites with lots of people. It’s pretty simple — the more people out there, the more likely there will be some who will be a good fit. Second, I was careful and skeptical because people on dating markets have incentives to exaggerate their attributes. The evidence of lying on dating sites is overwhelming and it’s all very rational from an economics perspective.
2. The number of online dating sites and profiles out there makes it look like there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Is there such a thing as finding the perfect match if you search long enough?
When it comes to finding “the one,” I’m afraid I favor realism over fairy tales. It is important to have realistic expectations. A person could spend his or her whole life looking for a perfect mate. But you have to remember that (as we economists would say) your utility will be maximized if you stop searching when the benefits of finding a better match no longer outweigh the costs of spending time searching. “Settling” sounds depressing, but it is efficient. Sure, looking at another profile could lead you to a better match. But it probably won’t and, in the meantime, you will have used up some of your most precious of all economic resources — time.
Or, to put this in terms closer to my background as a labor economist, remember that people who are too picky about what jobs they will accept and firms that are too picky about who they hire are important contributing factors to unemployment. By the same token, people who are too picky when choosing a partner end up lonely or, as I like to refer to it, “romantically unemployed.”
3. A lot of people prefer a safe first date- coffee, for example. Why do you suggest expensive first dates?
If you want to credibly signal to someone that you have a lot of money, then you need to spend a lot on your first date. I guess you can burn a pile of money or show your date your tax return, as I suggest in the book, but those ideas are not very socially acceptable.
Having said that, I never did spend much on the first date because I did not want to show off my income. I was more of a cup of coffee type of guy and I was looking for those few women who thought economics professors were cool.
4. What is the biggest online dating mistake you see people make today?
People who don’t proofread their profiles always bother me, but that is more of a pet peeve than a big mistake. I think the biggest mistake is being afraid to plunge into the online dating world. There are a lot of people who are overly romantic about meeting people the old-fashioned way or who are worried about “creeps” online. But the thick market for partners is online. So remember — you can’t succeed in the market if you don’t get into the market. Take a chance and enjoy yourself!
5. Where can our audience learn more about your work?
Amazon reviews and information
Recent appearance on Bloomberg TV:
What do you think about the competitive online dating market? Tell us in the comments below!
Posted on 1/12/2014
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