Multi-tasking. On the surface, it seems like the greatest gift to parenthood, especially to mothers. We moms have this amazing ability to do a million things at once. We can make breakfast and lunches, sign homework papers, empty the dishwasher, start a load of laundry, and remind everyone of the after-school activities for the day. We superheroes (AKA, moms) simultaneously check our phones for status updates, respond to emails, schedule appointments, make coffee, help pack the backpacks, tie the shoes and actually get out the door on time! And we normally accomplish all of this between 8:04 and 8:19 am. Once in the car we can finally take a deep breath and pat ourselves on the back because we’ve already started a successful day! Whew, we got a lot in during that 15 minutes – we are rock star parents!

But are we? During that crazed morning rush, we probably didn’t have the time to look our children in the eye, say good morning, give them an intentional hug and kiss and wish them a good day. When did society start to emphasize what we accomplish, rather than the quality of our character, as the benchmark for our success? Instead of focusing on that never-ending to-do list, we need to start cultivating and maintaining our to-be list! You know, the attributes that define who we want to be in our lives – compassionate, present, loving, caring, kind, attentive, accepting… I can see what you’re thinking. Right, we don’t have time for creating another list; that’d just be one more thing to do! But maybe if we scheduled “be present, be me” time on our to-do list, then we’d remember to slow down and reconnect to ourselves and especially to our children.

The irony, as far as I’m concerned, is that continual multitasking has turned us into unskillful parents. The more we multitask, the more we establish the pattern of giving tasks (and people!) our half-attention. True, we’ve successfully crossed off lots of action items, but we haven’t truly connected with any of it. Studies are actually showing that multitasking can compromise our brain’s ability to function at optimal levels, while at the same time triggering stress hormones that may lead to health issues. Sure, some tasks are totally mindless, and it’s okay to not give them full attention (folding laundry, anyone?).  My concern (aside from diminished brain functioning, of course) is that when we make doing a million things at once a habit, we are role modeling to our children that it’s okay to not be present.

We constantly have our mind full of overwhelming, persistent and exhausting internal chatter, coupled with all our things to do – it never stops! But, if we could be mindful – living life with awareness, attention and intention, and practicing being fully present in each moment – oh, how much more centered our lives would be! Practicing mindfulness enhances your quality of presence and experiences; it is not something to add to your to-do list, but rather it’s a way of being in the world.

Mindful Parenting is the practice of parenting consciously, with awareness, attention and intention. It is finding your peace, calm and joy amidst the chaos of daily life, and practicing how to respond and not react, with skill, to whatever arises in the moment. Being a mindful parent also means seeing your child for who they actually are, rather than who you think they are, or who you want them to be or think they should be. Mindful parents recognize that the time is now and that your kids want and need you to be fully present with them. (Even if they think they don’t want you, they still really need you!) And yes, you still have to get to that to-do list because it’s never going away. But being a mindful parent begs of you to focus on your to-be list, and move beyond your physical presence to mindfully being with your kids emotionally, spiritually and energetically.

So how do you become a mindful parent? Focus on the following to-be list:

~ Breathe. Take a minute and just breathe; center and connect to the present moment, to your mind, body and your intentions.

~ Be present. Put down your device; actually be with your child. You ask the same of them, so role model the behaviors you wish to receive.

~ Connect. Make eye contact. Listen with an open heart. Communicate with awareness and intention.

~ Acknowledge. Your child is amazing! They are different from you, as they are supposed to be; honor and celebrate their sovereignty.

~ Love unconditionally. You may not always like the choices your children make, or the path they choose, but you (I’m assuming) have chosen to be a parent, and your child deserves your unconditional love to encourage them to be their best self.

~ Practice. Practice, practice, practice…we are never going to get it perfect. The mindful moment is recognizing when you’ve become unskillful and learning from it.

~ Let go. Let go of expectations, judgments and attachments to the ways you thought your life would or should be. Honor what is.

~ Be here now. Stop multitasking and give full attention to what is in front of you. The time is now.

Mindful parenting allows for each moment to be yet another opportunity to practice being present and paying attention. It will help you manage that to-do list more effectively and efficiently so you can focus on what’s really important: cultivating your to-be list and really becoming that rock star parent!

Posted on 11/12/2013

Written by Joree Rosenblatt

Joree Rosenblatt has a Master’s in Counseling Psychology and is a mindfulness educator in the Bay Area. In addition to working at a K-8 private school teaching mindfulness to students, she teaches her original curriculum to adults, and onsite in corporations, in the Fundamentals of Mindfulness and Mindful Parenting. Joree’s true passion is raising her two daughters, mindfully of course…well, most of the time! Even though she already is a rock star mom, Joree practices mindfulness every day, and when all else fails, she remembers to take a moment and just breathe.

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