Posted on 6/12/2013

Written by Abbie Schiller and Samantha Kurtzman-Counter

Once a month I do my best to get together with the “girls” to go out, have some dinner and catch up on our busy lives.  What promises to be a night of culinary delights (hooray for not having to cook!), wine and deep conversation inevitably at some point turns into a group therapy session about the chaos of our homes.  The majority of these woman are professionals: people with serious skills that have at some point in their lives ranked pretty high up there on the ladder of success.  Many of them manage or have managed whole departments of people.  So why is it that so many of us overly capable women often feel like we can’t keep control of our own homes?  Why does it feel so often like our kids actually manage us and how can we flip the script?

To answer this question, we turned to our trusted experts and pulled together 5 useful tips for managing the chaos in our own homes.

Communicate effectively

Trying to communicate with a willful child is one of the most frustrating challenges of parenting.  Setting and communicating your expectations in advance instead of just winging it can save you a lot of headaches. Children need to understand what you want. Stay consistent so they have a routine they can depend on; bedtime is bedtime, treats are for weekends, etc. Of course you’ll have to bend your rules now and again, but it’s a lot easier to deviate from the plan knowing you’ve got one to come back to.

Establish boundaries

Author and expert Susan Stiffelman’s suggestion: “ Be the Captain of your ship.” No matter how rough the waters get, your kids need to know that you are in control.   Try not to engage in power struggles – just engaging in them takes you out of the ship captain’s seat.  Instead, listen with empathy but stay clear in your decisions.

Create an environment of trust and accountability

When you ask your kids to take responsibility and be accountable for their actions it shows them that you trust them.  Trust gives children (and grown ups!) a sense of pride, which in turn makes them more willing to take on more responsibilities. For example, giving your kids small tasks in the home to be in charge of not only gives them important tools for life, but also takes some of the load off your own shoulders.

Compose a family mission statement

Sit down with the kids and figure out which values and principles are most important to your family.  Write them down on a piece of paper and put it up where everyone can see it. Your mission statement acts as a touchstone when behavior gets out of hand and helps to bring everyone back to a place of mutual understanding.

Be sure to fill the “Love Bank”

So many behavioral issues stem from kids feeling like they aren’t getting enough quality attention.  Every day try to have 15 minutes of “special time” with your kids, where you are not distracted by anything and they can feel like even with your busy life, you prioritize them no matter what.  When the Love Bank is full, there’s no need to act out, and the family as a whole feels more content and in control.

Meet Abbie and Samantha

Abbie Schiller and Samantha Kurtzman-Counter are the Mompreneurs behind The Mother Company, a multi-media organization guided by the mission to “Help Parents Raise Good People.” Abbie Schiller, the company’s founder and CEO, is known as an industry powerhouse, having spent over a decade in the business of communicating to and for women. Samantha Kurtzman-Counter is President of The Mother Company. Sam’s history as a film and TV Director/Producer of quality children’s content positions her as the perfect person to guide the “Ruby’s Studio” product line toward its goal of becoming a childhood staple for a new generation.

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