Posted on 2/27/2013

Written by Kat Gordon

I am not a developer. Nor a lawyer versed in privacy law. There’s no PhD in my bio that lets me posit about child brain development.

Nope, I’m just a mom. And a marketer. And I’m here to help my fellow parents make a plan about Snapchat, the third most popular photo app on itunes right now.

Snapchat lets you send photos or videos that auto erase in 10 seconds. Now you see it, now you don’t. They’re inventing a new category, called “ephemeral media.” These forms of disappearing media let people snap and share fun, spontaneous moments they may not want others to repost or share. The potential upside is the very same as the potential downside: it encourages impulsivity.

Watch My Discussion With Randi Zuckerberg On This Trend here. 

My friend’s son received a video Snapchat – a short film a female student in his class had taken of the roofline of her house, panning down, and ending on her breasts in a bikini. This girl was in sixth grade. The only reason my friend saw it? She picked up her son’s phone – in keeping with their stated family policy of “I can check your phone at any time” – and saw it before he had his Mission Impossible moment.

What’s a parent to do here? At an age when kids have little to no impulse control, in an era where regrettable acts occur with the touch of a finger – along come software developers only too happy to cash in on this Wild, Wild West iPhone territory. That’s where you step in, Moms (and Dads), and demonstrate “parent” as a verb.

Sit your kids down and ask them the following:

Where do you think those pictures go? Give an overview of Internet 101 and explain how servers work and how all data – whether images or text – pass through servers and are typically stored there, even after a user deletes a file. Go online to the Snapchat site and show your child this legalese: “Although we attempt to delete image data as soon as possible after the message is transmitted, we cannot guarantee that the message contents will be deleted in every case.” This is a great caveat emptor lesson, Internet-style. Teach kids to question things that marketers tell them and to ask follow up questions if they’re not satisfied with the response. Also, remind them that Snapchats can be captured via screenshot.

What if you regret your decision? Let your child remember something they once thought was funny or appropriate in the moment, only to realize they made a mistake in the next. Do we only feel bad about things where there is evidence of what we’ve done? Or do we sometimes regret impulse decisions that don’t reflect how we feel about ourselves in the bigger picture? A great book to illustrate how damage can be done in an instant and can take a long time to restore is “Mister Peabody’s Apples.”

Who do you trust? This is the biggie. Have your kids write out a list of people who have their back. Explain how we have different friends for different reasons, but not everyone has our best interests at heart. Explain how the people on their trust list are gold, the people we believe would never seek to embarrass us. We could send a goofy picture to these people and they wouldn’t post it with a disparaging comment.  Have them post this list in their room and add to it as they continue growing up. Explain to them that there might be people on that list today that will lose that place of honor sometime in the future. Ask your child whose trust list they think their name would be on, and how they earned that place. This will help kids understand how the word “Friend” – something we have extended to hundreds of lightweight contacts in our circle – is actually reserved for relatively few people.

How can we use Snapchat in positive ways? Kids cannot be in trouble by virtue of what they receive. But they can think in advance about who they trust. Encourage or help them to set their Snapchat settings to only exchange Snapchats with those on their trust list. Show them how to block a friend from sending Snapchats in case a friend uses questionable judgment. And then imagine together some really fun, positive uses of the application. Sending a video of you singing Happy Birthday, so the sentiment survives, but your less-than-perfect rendition won’t stop you from doing it. A funny face or joke that only that one friend will understand. Or a video or photo invite to your birthday party that you don’t want reposted because you can’t invite everyone.

The lesson here isn’t about the technology. It’s about common sense, communication, and looking before you leap.

Meet Kat

Kat Gordon is the founder and creative director of Maternal Instinct, an agency of creative problem solvers for marketing to moms, and founder of The 3% Conference, a ground-breaking event highlighting the business importance of female creative directors. She is also the mother to two boys, ages 10 and 14.

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