It’s not like I’m a social media addict. But if I was, and I live tweeted my day, it might look something like this.

You. Guys. It’s *way* too early. Go back 2 bed. #itsstilldarkoutside

Great, now u woke ur sister up. #iusebadgrammarat5am

It’s ur brother’s turn 2 pick the cartoon. #notheotherbrother

I know, I know. You’re far too grown up for cartoons now. I meant “show”. #pleasedontpickKickinIt

Ooh, good pick. I’ll stay & cuddle w/someone. Anyone. #teamAustinandAlly

I wasn’t watching anyway. No, really, I wasn’t. Yeah, I’ll get u some milk. #anothergallongone

Ok, u can put the lid on the sippy cup all by yourself. #spillnumberone

Sure, u can sit in my lap. #allthatmilkaintlight

Stop fighting. You can *both* sit in my lap. After all, I have 2 legs. #andvaricoseveins

Oops, have 2 go pack ur lunches. #andmakebreakfast #toddlerhelper #notsohelpful

TV off. Now. #noreallyturnitoff #now #now

1 raisin bread- butter, no crust. 1 raisin bread- butter, w/crust. 1 raisin bread- no butter, tops cut off. #shortordercook

Sit down. In the middle of your chair. Yes. Now stay there. #formorethan5seconds

Ok, go brush ur teeth, comb ur hair & get dressed. #likewithtoothpasteandacomb

Well, I don’t know where ur shoes are either. #ourhouseisnotthatbig #butyourshoesare

Come on, guys. U should be ready by now. Almost time 2 leave 4 the bus. #andwevebeenupforanhourandahalf

Nice! Love how u found a way to incorporate every single color of the rainbow into ur outfit again. #andpulledyoursocksuptoyourcrotch

Ok, grab ur lunch boxes, pack up ur backpacks. #Daddy’s taking you to the bus again. #stillinmyjammies

Wait! #LilSis is going 2 the bus stop w/u. #withthreedollsafootballandamajorcaseofbedhead

Exhale.

#damnforgotsunscreen

Guess I should do the breakfast dishes now. #orcheckFacebook #andInstagram #Twittertoo

How was the bus stop? Doing my exercises. Wanna play w/ur dolls? #pleasesayyes #mamaneedstoburnoffherchardonnay

Well #LilSis, sorry I’m not sweating as much as u think I should be while u watch from the couch. #towelplease #andoxygen

I’m gonna hop in the shower. #showerfortwo #notthesexykind

What?! No! Don’t wear a diff outfit 2 school than u wore 2 the bus this am. Pleeeese. #fashionista #laundrywhore

Detangler. Comb. Tears. Chase. #repeat

Let’s go! Your teachers r waiting for u. #ofcoursetheylllikeyourdress #andsparklyshoes

Press this button to open the door. Good job, hop in. #justlikethat #haveyoureadmyminivanmanifesto

They can still c u behind my leg. Why don’t u show #MsTeacher ur shoes? #theyremoreexpensivethanmine

Ok, c u in a bit. I <3 u sooooo much! #dontcry #oriwilltoo #andiputonmakeuptoday

I’ll just check a couple emails. Work on a post or 2. #orcheckFacebook #andInstagram #Twittertoo

Wait, how is it pick-up time already? #stillhaventdonethosebreakfastdishes #ormyhair

Hi, sweetheart. I missed u 2. Tell me more! #ohmyheart

Sure u can have 12 different things that don’t make any sense together 4 lunch. #whatbabywantsbabygets

Wow #LilSis just talked for 45 mins straight. My stomach muscles r sore. #notfromworkingout #didntsweatenuf #fromlaughing

Nap time. Good night, sleep tight, God bless u. #yesillleavethelighton #andthedooropen

Wonder if her dolls <3 her monologuing in there as much as I do. #doubtit #babydolljustgotatimeout

Now I’ll get to those emails. And posts. #orcheckFacebook #andInstagram #Twittertoo

Wait, it’s *what* time?! #stillhaventdonethosebreakfastdishes #orlunchdishes #ormyhair

Sweetie, time 2 get up 2 go get ur brothers. #bedheadround2 #screwit #wewillbetwinsies

Who are all these moms in cute outfits w/makeup & hair done?! #nofriendsofmine #shouldhavegonethruthecarpoolline

#pleasedontbecrying #pleasedontbecrying #pleasedontbecrying

Hi, #LilBro! #smiling #exhale

Hug. #yesplease #kindergartenistough

A boy was doing *what* on the playground? Why?! #pleasetellmehesnotyourfriend #mamahaskindergartenfearstoo

Hi, #BigBro! How was your day? #notayesornoquestion #fineisnotanacceptableanswer

Wow, 5^th grade homework in 3^rd grade? Your teacher does sound tough. #goodluckwiththatkid #imnotsmarterthana5thgrader #ora3rdgrader

Sure, I’ll turn up the music so I can’t ask u any more questions abt ur fine day. #whyugottabesorude #shakeitoff #shakeitoff

Snacks. More milk. Breakfast dishes. Lunch dishes. Snack refills. Snack dishes. #littlekidsbigmesses #spillnumbertwo

Fine w/me if u boys go tackle each other senseless. #thankgoodnessforbrothers #thatwontlastlong

Why don’t we go play soccer or baseball outside? #andbyweimeanyou #illblowbubbles

Kicks. Giggles. Pop flies. Giggles. Bubbles. Giggles. Slides. Giggles. Hose. Giggles. #Pinkswateringcanisoverflowing #andsoismyheart

Heading in 2 make dinner. Clean up & come inside in a few. #nuggetswillbewaiting #theyreorganic #notreally

I don’t know when Daddy’s coming home 2nite. Around dinnertime. #repeat #againandagain #andagain

Yay! He’s home. #magic

Sit! In your chair. With your butt in the middle. Pushed in to the table. Yes, like that. #noreallysitdown

What was 1 funny thing that happened 2 u today? #bodilyfunctionsareoffthetableatthetable #notreally

Seriously. Sit down & stay there. #doineedtostrapyoutoyourchair

What was 1 thing that upset you today? #notincludingme

My job here is done. #foodonplates #convoinmotion #withasideoflaughter #andwineforme

Shower time. Yep, u can get in together. Keep the water in the tub! #dirtbegone #droughtbegone

You. Guys. Why is the bathroom floor soaking wet?! Out. Now. #everytime #whowillwintheblamegame

Get back in, #BigBro. Still have soap in ur hair. #everytime #thereisnowaythisisyourbrothersfault

Inhale. #lovethesmellofcleancuddles

It’s ur brother’s turn 2 pick the cartoon. #notheotherbrother

I know, I know. You’re far too grown up for cartoons now. I meant “show”. #pleasedontpickKickinIt

No, no, *no*! #hepickedKickinIt #wouldratherdothedinnerdishes

Bedtime, #LilSis. Yes, you can sing this one. #allbyyourself #twinkletwinkle #yesillleavethelighton #andthedooropen #wider

Good night, sleep tight, God bless you. Daddy & I <3 u soooo much. #soverytrue

Your turn boys. #nottoobigtocuddle #yet #buttheyreadtomenow

Superhero sheets. Missing teeth. Multiplying freckles. Tired eyes. Racing minds. So big, yet so little. And they’re all mine. #fornow

Their words. My pride. Their backs. My scratches. Their fears. My kisses. #missionaccomplished #peace

Owwww! You. Guys. How many times do I have 2 tell u 2 clean up when ur done playing?! #steppedonaLego

Good night, sleep tight, God bless you. Daddy & I <3 u soooo much. #soverytrue #evenifmyfootisswellinguprightnow

What #LilSis? No, nobody’s going to come in ur room 2nite. Yes, because we put a sign on ur door. #postitnotesscarebadguys

Now I’ll get 2 those emails. And posts. #orwatchSYTYCD #andScandal

What’s the matter, #LilBro? #sureillcomelieinbedwithyou #whatdidwedobeforeDVRsFinally. Asleep. #lovewatchingthemdream #littleangelsonearth

My mind’s still racing. #longdaysshortyears #patienceisavirtue #notminethough #justdoingmybest

Tomorrow will be different. #notreally #hopenotatleast #lovethislife #chaosincluded

#motherhoodunfiltered

By Amy Heinz. This post originally appeared on Using Our Words and is reprinted here with permission. 

Comments

comments