I am the girl who cried wolf. Unlike the shepherd boy in Aesop’s fable, I am not repeatedly tricking people into thinking a wolf is attacking my flock of sheep. I don’t own any sheep, but I do have an email account. And my auto-reply, which is set to be on permanently, says that I only check email messages a few times per week. But I read and respond to emails multiple times per day—oftentimes continuously.

Similar to the villagers in the fable who eventually ignored the shepherd boy’s call for help even when a wolf really was attacking his flock, people who regularly send me emails no longer pay attention to my automatic response. They view it as a something to disregard and delete—and rightly so. Sometimes, I reply to their emails so quickly that my actual response arrives before the auto-message!

The problem I now face is that the “wolf” really is attacking. In other words, I am finally restructuring my life so that I don’t check email as often. Will anyone believe me? I want to spend more time relaxing with my newlywed husband. I want to explore the outdoors more, especially as warm weather approaches. If you have never been tubing down a river on a hot day in Texas, I encourage you to Google it if you need to, and then add it to your list of things to do—even if that means not responding to an email message—or possibly one hundred.

“117” reports the unread email notification on my smartphone. In life, I have learned that all I can ever do is my best. Because “my best” sometimes means that I miss important emails, my auto-reply reads, “If I don’t respond to your message in a reasonable amount of time, please resend it.” I appreciate when people actually do. I can’t possibly keep track of everything that comes into my inbox and also make time for my friends, family, and passions. Focusing too many hours on answering other people’s emails about their relationships and books doesn’t leave much time for me to nurture my relationships and to write my own books.

I used to take it personally when emails I sent to others were seemingly ignored. But, now, I know from experience that failure to respond to an email doesn’t equate to ignoring or a lack of caring. It usually just means that person is busy. I am busy, and I simultaneously care a lot. I have just learned to add my name to the list of people I care about. I sometimes think of it as taking time to answer my own emails—written to myself. These metaphorical messages include the subject lines “Breathe, Jenni” and “Do something fun today.” If I answer everyone else’s messages on their time schedules, I can’t respond to my own needs. That is why I am committing to a new and more realistic email goal. During the workweek, I will check my email twice a day at a maximum. Gulp. Even just writing that is scary.

What if I miss something urgent? My auto-response will attempt to cover for that, listing contact information for my assistant and booking agent. But sometimes that won’t work. (As I mentioned, I have trained many to simply ignore my auto-reply.)

Making a big change like this requires support and accountability, which, in part, is what this article is about for me. In fact, as an alert to those who send me frequent emails, I will include a link to this blog entry within my new and improved email auto-response.

Yes, I plan to create an auto-response that serves me better. I was recently inspired in the email department by Lisa Davis, Creator, Host, & Producer of It’s Your Health Network. In her auto-reply, she honestly explains that she is “a one woman operation” and goes on to say, “Someday I might have an assistant. Until then, your patience is greatly appreciated.” Lisa’s auto-response is authentic, personable, and to the point. I pay attention to messages like that.

With my auto-responses, I have often missed the “to the point” point. As a professional writer (as well as an expert analyzer), I sometimes over-explain. One of my recent auto-responses described how I had found tremendous peace when I disconnected from all electronic devices on my honeymoon in New Zealand. I went on to explain how email tends to drain my creativity. What I now know is that no one reads auto-responses that carefully. I can’t tell you how many times someone saw the word “honeymoon” in my auto-reply and quickly wrote back, “I hope you are having fun on your honeymoon. Tell me all about it and send pics!” Now, in addition to answering the original email, I was being asked to send vacation photos.

Others saw the word “honeymoon” and wrote something like: “Sorry to bother you during this special time, but can you please have X to me by Friday?” Really?!

Our world has clearly lost touch with boundaries in regard to personal availability. So, it is up to each of us to set our own unique limits. I have a friend whose spirit is positively fueled by intense e-connection. But that’s just not—and will never be— me. Like I mentioned earlier, I need to frequently shut down my email program and do something unplugged like tubing down a river. Even though my new waterproof smartphone case allows for emailing while floating, I choose to live instead. That’s being true to myself—and my auto-response. No more crying wolf.

Posted on 4/4/2014

Written by Jenni Schaefer

Jenni Schaefer is an internationally known speaker, accomplished singer/songwriter, and bestselling author. She has appeared on shows like Today and Dr. Oz, as well as publications ranging from Cosmopolitan to The New York Times. Her first book Life Without Ed was just released as a tenth anniversary edition, including audio. Others include Goodbye Ed, Hello Me and her latest with Harvard Medical School, Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One’s) Relationship with Food a Problem? Jenni lives in Austin, Texas, where she can often be found exploring the outdoors with her newlywed husband—not checking her email account. For more information: JenniSchaefer.com.

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