When I was growing up, one of the most difficult talks for a parent to have with their child was about the “birds and the bees.” Today, since kids access the Internet and connect with peers through more devices and apps than ever before, Internet safety has become the new “sex talk” that parents need to have with their children. Keeping up with new developments in personal technology is challenging, even for those of us who work in tech, and it can be overwhelming for parents who want to monitor what their kids are up to online. A recent Pew study found that 95% of teens use the Internet regularly and 78% now have cell phones – data that should encourage any parent to keep an open dialogue with their child about Internet use.

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One way to help kids with Internet safety is to use parental controls, Internet filters, content-management apps and usage-monitoring software to limit kids’ access to bad content and reduce temptation. In years past (okay, just a few years past), this may have been enough. But today, since kids can access the Internet from multiple devices and from school or a friend’s home, it’s almost impossible to limit your child’s access to certain sites. What to do? Low-tech solutions may be the most viable: education and open communication about what’s out there. As Rebecca Randall, VP of Education for Common Sense Media recently shared, “(You) can’t always cover kids’ eyes – you need to teach them how to see.”

In my recent discussion with Ms. Randall, she confirmed my thoughts. Here are some of the key points we discussed:

1. Educate yourself first, then talk to your kids about Internet safety. I have always believed that the first step for parents when it comes to Internet safety is taking the time to educate themselves. If parents need guidance, the online resources from Common Sense Media are a great place to start. They offer material for parents and kids as well as teachers and schools. The educator’s section has family tip sheets separated into grades (K-5, 6-8, 9-12) and covers topics such as Cyberbullying, Online Security, Privacy and Digital Footprints, Smart Searching and Talking Safely Online. Common Sense Media also hosts content reviews and the Making Sense blog.  Most devices and websites also have information covering their specific parental or privacy controls.

2. Start conversations early, but remember it’s never too late to start. Randall shared, “Start having age-appropriate conversations as soon as kids start engaging with technology.” Try to start the conversations when kids are young, but realize that it is never too late to start. When my 10-year-old twins starting using our family PC and iPod a few years ago, we started discussing what being a good digital citizen meant. I also installed parental controls on the iPods and on their Microsoft accounts on the PC.

My 14 year old son is tech-savvy enough to navigate around parental controls, so we regularly talk about the websites and apps he is using. When we talk, I ask my teen about the site/app privacy controls HE (not his parents) set up as well as the rules for being a good digital citizen. When he started using Instagram, we discussed that age appropriate digital behavior included keeping his stream private and only sharing appropriate pictures. Now that Instagram recently launched a video sharing feature, I made sure he understands what appropriate video content is as well. Before he started using Facebook, we went through the Safety Center together and set privacy and security settings. I have my son explain how he uses sites I am not familiar with (such as Ask.FM). He loves teaching me about new apps and websites. We also keep an eye out for updates that affect privacy settings.

3. Make a plan to have regular “talks.” Parents should find frequent and appropriate times to talk about Internet safety. Our family Internet safety talks happen while relaxing in the family room, while talking a walk together, during coveted car time when no friends are around, before we buy a new piece of technology, or even just when my kids are using the family computer. As Randall said, “Engage with your kids as they use technology. Chime in when there are teachable moments.”

4. Use of tech should include creating and engaging in content. The tech-savvy kid will have a leg-up in today’s job market, and so it’s vital for them to be actively creating and engaging with age-appropriate content. Parents need to also help their kids critically analyze content by teaching them the golden rules of the Internet:

  • Not everything you read online is true.

  • There is a big difference between fact and fiction.

  • There are safe and effective ways to search for the online information you need.

5. Establish family rules. We’ve established family “screen time” rules and adjust them appropriately as the kids get older (younger kids should get less time, typically). We try not to have the loss of technology used as a punishment for misbehavior but rather let our kids earn their screen time. My 14 year-old earns the privilege to use his iPhone by being open with me about the apps he uses, using his phone politely and responsibly in the presence of others, and allowing me to occasionally check his phone. The other family rule we have is to make sure mom or dad is added as a friend or follower to any social network. I respect his privacy and explain that I am trying to protect his safety and digital footprint. He knows that everything he shares online could be viewed by a college recruiter or future employer.  Finally, we regularly remind our kids that people online could be using a fake name, age or sex and that they need to be careful.

Hopefully, my kids feel like they can come to me with any questions or concerns they have about the online world, and will transition into adulthood as safe and responsible digital citizens.

SONY DSCWritten by Beth Blecherman

Previously, Beth Blecherman was Senior Manager at Deloitte. Now, she discusses family tech across multiple social media platforms, including her blog TechMamas.com & Twitter @TechMama. Her new book, “My Parent Plan,” applies professional project planning concepts to parenting. Beth consults with companies on family tech products, apps and sites.  She can be found on lists such as Time 140 Best Twitter Feeds, PC Magazines Twitter Top 100 and Forbes Top 100 Websites for Women.

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